I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm just crazy horny about you
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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