the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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