So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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