hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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