One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
