Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
