You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
