nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
