Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
