Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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