wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
