I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
