I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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