I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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