doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
