Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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