even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
