I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
