Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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