you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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