The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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