Whod you bang
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
