my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
