Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
