Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
