So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
