Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
