the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
