Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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