How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
