I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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