so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize