I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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