She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
