just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
