I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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