i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
