so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
