I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
can u get pink eye on your cock?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize