Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize