I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
