Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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