The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
