Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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