Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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