just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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