Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
