i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You made out with two different species that night
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
