Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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