Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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