Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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