I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
