i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize