That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
