This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
