Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
