if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
