I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
it was like eating out sand paper
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
