my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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