so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
