It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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