I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
